I want:

But since he’s a no go, I’ll settle for:

Hopefully next month, a Christmas gift to myself hehe.

This month pokai aiyo.

Let’s do some random facts yeah?

1. Every time I’m home adalah my stuff bertaburan on the floor, and this is just the first day I’m back. By the end of the week, makin terokk. I don’t know why I’m incapable of being neat and tidy at home like I am in KK. Tapi oh time di Vandy pun I wasn’t exactly Miss Neat Freak macam Cikinaaa. Or Shahrul, who knows when to shut his trap and not comment about the state of my dorm. For the record, his room was ALWAYS cleaner.

2. Every time I’m mean to my parents, Allah marah dengan serta merta. I have lost some sensation in my finger, it’s swollen and I can barely bend it. It wasn’t mean really I promise. My dad’s a tad obsessed with his car so when he told my mom to be careful when opening the door cos we were curbside, mom and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. I got out of the car and proceeded to slam the door on my finger. Mom, of course, then laughed at me.

3. Every time I’m on vacay in Kuching, always2 gatal2 want to cut my hair or do something to it.

Eg. 06-bob 07-some layered thingamabob 08-curled it 09-layers, tapi oh the layers were super unintentional. I told the dude to snip an inch or two at the ends to get rid of the fugly split ends. Apparently he heard, have a go at my hair you can do whatever you like. Therefore, not going to his place anymore. Pfftt.

4. Even though I’m only in KK, every time I come home I feel almost exactly like how I felt the past three years coming home for summer.

5. I think my English is deteriorating. Crappp.

Lows:

I get to Labuan with a splitting headache. The next day we find out we’re not leaving until later in the evening. I don’t wear leggings underneath my very bright very yellow coveralls and find a wet patch on a very questionable spot (lesson learnt!). I find out I’m not as tough as I think I am and got really nauseated on the three hour ride to the barge. Thankfully, it didn’t get to the point where people had to see what I had for dinner. Basket transfer sucked. Apparently it’s a form of entertainment. Every time there’s a basket transfer, everybody comes and watches and laughs hysterically if someone ends up rolling on the floor, as apparently someone did (not me I swear!). Captain Chin and Mario and the barge admin decided not to let me go home, cancelled my name of the demob list and hid my backpack while I was cam-whoring. Nice! Mario keeps calling me Queen Buddha. Grrr.

Highs:

Somebody bought KFC for dinner prior to mobilization. Possibly got addicted to seasick pills since seasick pills=sleeping magic. Kamal from PIPE was on the barge as well. Watta coincidence! On Friday, quite possibly spent only nine hours awake. Those seasick pills work wonders. Food on the barge. Wowowowow. Mee bandung, cucur macam2, roti canai (“Kalau nak roti telur, roti sardin pon boleh dek”). Meals are served every two hours. Laundry is superfast. No matter how late you leave your dirty clothes outside, they’re clean early the next morning. I get to facebook and call home whenever. Oh, did a little study tour of the barge heee. Watched a spool get lifted and lowered onto the seabed. All those technical stuff I’m supposed to be learning. Cam whoring while watching the sunset on the helideck. I took two sleeping seasick pills and slept the entire four hour ride back, even when we had to return to the barge half an hour after leaving cos someone on the boat didn’t get off the first time around.

High of all highs:

Flight to Kuching 10am tomorrow!

So I was going through random picture folders and I found these: pictures of when you could see my collar bone and when you can’t. It’s like chipsmore. Now you see them, now you don’t. It’s wayyy depressing. Maybe it’s just the hair (in denial), tapi arhhh, the face is seriously rounder and the butt pokes out a lot more. Damn.

Sarol marah, tapi I’m thinking about Marie France Depressing gil babs.

Crap. I think I pulled something doing the splits. Stretching would’ve been a good idea.

November

16 Leave for Labuan at night

17 Platform visit (!!!)

18 Lepak Labuan?

19-21 Barge

22-23 Roshan meeting in KK (yayy kawan datang)

23-29 Balit Kuching wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwu best!

30 Dept meeting

December

1-4 Platform familiarization

11-16 Roshan mbak kawan jalan2 KK

24-27 KL for Christmas (!) and Nawal’s wedding and PIPE-ing

Umm. What happens when life gets mundane and all I do is sit in the office?

Can I throw a rock (or a huge BRICK) at the Waja behind my apartment?

Stupid car alarm keeps going off.

Die idiot die.

Long winded entry alert.

Feeling a little blue and disgusted with myself.

Project let’s-forget-about-the-crush begins. Again.

What is it now? Round 1273131? I am wayyy immature. Right now I feel relief that he and I work in different OPU’s because if we were to be in the same building and being so-called friends, we’d probably be seeing a lot of each other for lunch or dinner or weekends, it would make my mission even more impossible. I seriously need to grow up but being in KK,  I can just use the let’s ignore and let’s delete method. No more comm, no more facebook, no more ym, no more texting. Daju and Ina will say that I’m being mean, but sorryy, I feel bad and all but it’s the easiest way to avoid total utter humiliation.

However, no crush=no butterflies in my tummy=no excitement=nothing to look forward to. What a dull existence that would be.

How on earth could I be any more obvious. It never really did and now it’s never gonna happen with the two of us. Maybe he’s secretly singing Lily Allen’s Never Gonna Happen in his head every time he sees me.

Somebody (ehem: Ira) asked if this was just a crush cos apparently I sound broken hearted. Clarification: I am most def NOT broken hearted. I just hate how much I like to put myself in this kind of a position. I really can’t differentiate between just looking, fun time guy or a crush. Inevitably, they all become intertwined, one and the same. Yuck. The patheticness that is my life.

What is it that Blair said?

I need to just stop moving, and contemplate the failure of my life.

Exactly.

Meet the new member of my family. She cost a helluva lot so don’t count on me eating anything healthy this month. I know she’s so two seasons ago, but I still love them all the same. This is why weekends are so dangerous around here.

I started reading again today. It felt good, like my brain stopped racing.

I’m going to Miri again Monday night. My boss wants me to go on a day trip on Tuesday to learn about pressure relief valves, but I figured I’d go a little early to hang out with Daju and Ayen for a bit. I’m going to Labuan Thursday night to get on a boat to a platform on Friday. On the 19th I’m going to the platform again until the 22nd to learn about pipeline installation. Don’t I sound like an engineer!

Then on the 23rd, I’M GOING BACK TO KUCHING for a week’s vacay

Not only am I spineless, I also have no principle.

My emotions cripple and cloud my judgement.

Grrr.

I am still in constant contact with my PIPE crush.

Random fact of the day: I have not had mac and cheese since May. Depressing.

This is my current favorite photo.

That’s us on the phone with Wiwi on the Taman Awam bridge in Miri.

That’s Wiwi on the phone with us (or one of us) in Kerteh.

We’re just too cute aren’t we? Hehe.

You are indeed allowed to puke at the cuteness.

I deleted my PIPE crush’s phone number from my phone to remove temptation.

I didn’t text him the whole day today. Super impressed with myself. I know I do this mean thing when I decide to not like someone any more. I just shut down and when I’m with that person I just don’t look at him, don’t talk to him, just pretend he’s not there. It’s mean but it’s super effective.  I feel really guilty at the end of the day, but also completely removed from the situation. Sometimes it’s not even his fault, but it’s just easier that way so that I don’t go around putting my heart in a vulnerable position.

I always run away from guys who have the potential to break my heart.