Can I throw a rock (or a huge BRICK) at the Waja behind my apartment?

Stupid car alarm keeps going off.

Die idiot die.

Long winded entry alert.

Feeling a little blue and disgusted with myself.

Project let’s-forget-about-the-crush begins. Again.

What is it now? Round 1273131? I am wayyy immature. Right now I feel relief that he and I work in different OPU’s because if we were to be in the same building and being so-called friends, we’d probably be seeing a lot of each other for lunch or dinner or weekends, it would make my mission even more impossible. I seriously need to grow up but being in KK,  I can just use the let’s ignore and let’s delete method. No more comm, no more facebook, no more ym, no more texting. Daju and Ina will say that I’m being mean, but sorryy, I feel bad and all but it’s the easiest way to avoid total utter humiliation.

However, no crush=no butterflies in my tummy=no excitement=nothing to look forward to. What a dull existence that would be.

How on earth could I be any more obvious. It never really did and now it’s never gonna happen with the two of us. Maybe he’s secretly singing Lily Allen’s Never Gonna Happen in his head every time he sees me.

Somebody (ehem: Ira) asked if this was just a crush cos apparently I sound broken hearted. Clarification: I am most def NOT broken hearted. I just hate how much I like to put myself in this kind of a position. I really can’t differentiate between just looking, fun time guy or a crush. Inevitably, they all become intertwined, one and the same. Yuck. The patheticness that is my life.

What is it that Blair said?

I need to just stop moving, and contemplate the failure of my life.

Exactly.

Meet the new member of my family. She cost a helluva lot so don’t count on me eating anything healthy this month. I know she’s so two seasons ago, but I still love them all the same. This is why weekends are so dangerous around here.

I started reading again today. It felt good, like my brain stopped racing.

I’m going to Miri again Monday night. My boss wants me to go on a day trip on Tuesday to learn about pressure relief valves, but I figured I’d go a little early to hang out with Daju and Ayen for a bit. I’m going to Labuan Thursday night to get on a boat to a platform on Friday. On the 19th I’m going to the platform again until the 22nd to learn about pipeline installation. Don’t I sound like an engineer!

Then on the 23rd, I’M GOING BACK TO KUCHING for a week’s vacay

Not only am I spineless, I also have no principle.

My emotions cripple and cloud my judgement.

Grrr.

I am still in constant contact with my PIPE crush.

Random fact of the day: I have not had mac and cheese since May. Depressing.

This is my current favorite photo.

That’s us on the phone with Wiwi on the Taman Awam bridge in Miri.

That’s Wiwi on the phone with us (or one of us) in Kerteh.

We’re just too cute aren’t we? Hehe.

You are indeed allowed to puke at the cuteness.

I deleted my PIPE crush’s phone number from my phone to remove temptation.

I didn’t text him the whole day today. Super impressed with myself. I know I do this mean thing when I decide to not like someone any more. I just shut down and when I’m with that person I just don’t look at him, don’t talk to him, just pretend he’s not there. It’s mean but it’s super effective.  I feel really guilty at the end of the day, but also completely removed from the situation. Sometimes it’s not even his fault, but it’s just easier that way so that I don’t go around putting my heart in a vulnerable position.

I always run away from guys who have the potential to break my heart.

Sorry for the lack of pictures, but am now in Miri and I’ve forgotten to bring my Blackberry cable.

Today was the first day of my offshore safety training and I thought I came to the place prepared, and I thought wrong. The first thing the course leader said was we’re gonna start the day off with HUET, helicopter emergency training stuff. I was like, erkk, towel oso I didn’t bring aiyo. So we got into our oversized coveralls and practiced breathing into the emergency breathing thingie. Then they put us in a mock helicopter, buckled us down, lowered the chopper into the water and turned it upside down. We had to breathe into the thingie, unbuckle ourselves and “escape” through the window. If put in that situation for real I don’t think I’d be in the right mind to start thinking about saving other people because adrenaline just kicks in and all I can think about is getting to the surface and saving my own ass. Selfish I know.

Tomorrow we’re jumping off an 8m platform. I’m kinda excited. It’s like flying, until the water breaks your fall. Ouch.

I don’t know why, but tonight I really miss some PIPE things i.e. wdh4eva, being creative on Wiwi’s notes, geng2 unite, late night burger ayam or red lobster runs, gossiping with Intan, even being interrogated by the squad soalan, but oh,

I have got to stop crushing on my PIPE crush. It’s too impossible, tapi he is so sweet. Crap.

I took in lieu leave today, but still went to the office in the afternoon. Before you say workaholic, STOP. I hadd to, because I needed to fill out forms and get them signed to go for my safety training next week in Miri.  Signing on to the communicator today was so much fun. Prior to PIPE, it was just Daju and I going back and forth back and forth about how little we know about what we’re doing. Now it’s like hey you, what’s up, remember when! I hate that everyone’s so scattered.

Um, did I tell about my new shows? Heee. I got another one on Tuesday. They’re gladiator platforms and I wore them with cuffed jeans Tuesday night. I’d put up pictures but my broadband is being retarded. I know it’s a wee bit behind season, but ehh, they’re still pretty.

PS: I miss my PIPE crush

Sorry Qayyum. Gambar kasut baru ada, gambar ngan Sarol sikda.

Sbb aku sentiasa ingat ngan Sarol, jadi sik perlu gambar. Mwahahahaha.

Update 10.19.2009: Kasut=pain=

PIPE 48: Cohesiveness.

I miss it already.

Note to self:

Must stop wanting what belongs to another.

Damn.